In this big universe – who are you? 

“We become what we want to be, by consistently being what we want to become each day” – Richard G. Scott
 
I love October! It’s warm, the trees are green and hopefully the heavens bless us with some much-needed rain – one of my favourite smells.

September has been a long and emotionally draining month for me! I am new to this “boundary setting” movement I have started for myself, and boy is it difficult on some days to not fall back into my old ways of co-dependent and passive aggressive behaviour patterns. I constantly have to remind myself that not setting boundaries allows others to do things to me that are upsetting or even harmful, never mind the psychological effects of never saying no.

My therapist suggested that I write down what I considered to be my core belief system and my identity. As personal boundaries are drawn from the framework of your core beliefs, your perspective, opinions, and values. These things, in turn, are created from your life experiences and the social environments you have lived in, they help you firmly set the limits you decide work for you on how people can treat you, how they can behave around you, and what they can expect from you.

Identity is largely concerned with the question: who are you? What does it mean to be who you are?

Identity relates to our basic values which dictate the choices we make. If you are:

• Questioning your choices;
• Asking yourself why you do the things you do?

Then you should start with your identity.

To have a solid identity we need to be able to see that we are the same person in our past as we are now, and as we will be in the future. We need to feel the same no matter what our environment.

At the beginning of this year, I felt a complete disconnect from who I was, who I have been and no sense as to who I will become next. I felt that I was not the same, a different person sometimes and when I looked in the mirror, I found it hard believing it was me looking back. I remember clearly writing this post on Facebook in February when my journey began.
 
You can choose your identity!
I didn’t know that I can choose my identity. Few people actually choose, instead I internalised the values of my parents or my dominant culture. Sadly, these values did not resonate with my authentic self and I felt like I was living an unfilled life.

So, what have I done over the last month?

I’ve started building my internal confidence. Building my foundation on a stable, durable base of values.
 
How I started the process

The most important part is to define, for yourself, a psychological image of what an “ultimate person” is for you.

• Base this on internal factors that are under your control.
• Take a step back and visualise for yourself how the “ideal you” would be like?
• How would s/he treat her/himself?
• How would s/he treat others? and
• How would s/he let others treat her/him?

It’s all about finding your voice and comfort zone.

You can find more about what you truly value in life by visualizing yourself at your own funeral. What would your friends remember about you? Your parents? Your colleagues? Your children?

Now after you’ve established this ideal image you should write it down – this simple, yet often ignored process, creates the necessary neural processes to store that image in your mind. Without the image firmly established, you can’t grow into it!

Out of that image, write down the five most important values that person embodies.

The values I wrote down are:

Compassionate. Sensitive. Patient. Kind. Generous. Reliable. Strong. Calm.

It turns out that this is who I have always been! I reread these words every day and live according to that psychological image I have for myself.

Visualising myself as that person, building up enough neural pathways that I can effectively rewire my brain to know intensely and deeply that this is who I am, so that I never have to question myself again.

This way I can set boundaries very easily without feeling guilt and stop basing my identity on external factors and instead on who I am as a person and live according to my deep character values.

As always, we are here to help you on your individual journeys, so we’ve booked two external experts to help you on this journey

Through the Light of the Dark
A workshop to learn, converse and befriend change and transformation through the path of the Dark Night of the Soul.
 
“The Dark Night may come in many guises but its purpose is always the same: to shake us loose, to pry us open and then to infiltrate every aspect of our lives in order to do the most comprehensive work of dismantling, tearing, crushing dismembering, while awakening and rebirthing us in our full humanity devoid of any agenda which is not being guided and held by our divine essence.”
 
We will explore our dark nights through art, writing, movement, meditation and breathwork to facilitate the experience of dropping from head to heart to soul.
 
Date: Saturday, 26 October 2019
Time: 9am to 4pm
Venue: Woodlands Spa, Muldersdrift
Cost: R900
Booking: Paola Ferretti on paolaferretti9@gmail.com
 
Who is this workshop for?
Anyone, who is either interested to find out more about the Dark Night of the Soul experience, is facing change, a personal crisis or has lost the sense of what life is about or is looking for a more authentic way to navigate the waters of transformation.
 
TreeBarre: ‘Take time for You and Nature’
 
Date: Sunday, 27 October
Time: 9am – 10am
Venue: Woodlands Spa, Muldersdrift
Cost: R100 per class (booking is essential)
Bookings: Fiona Budd on 084 598 9893 or treebarre@gmail.com
 
TreeBarre© is an outdoor class that combines healing, gentle exercise and toning, breathing and stretching, and a beautiful exchange of energy with trees.  The exercise component is based on a basic ballet barre (no previous experience of ballet required) and conditioning exercises and uses a tree as the ‘barre’ and partner, to directly connect with Nature.
 
Wear comfortable work-out clothes and flexible work-out/gym shoes, and also bring a yoga mat or towel for stretching.

My wish for you this October, is that you feel fulfilled and that you have no problem setting firm boundaries and can start living a life true to your values. If you feel that you lack a coherent sense of identity, then I pray that you find the strength to step up, seek help and start your own journey into self-discovery. PS – My therapist is brilliant – email me for her details.
 
Love, Tania