With Mother’s Day coming up on the 12th of May I wanted to write something not many people talk about:

What no one tells you about motherhood.

The best parents, are those without children

As we enter the month where we celebrate motherhood, it is important to remember that there is no guidebook. If you ask any mother about the actual birth of their children, they usually go into so much gory detail, but if you were to ask them what it’s like raising them, they seem to lose that thread of vulnerability and honesty.

There have been many books written on parenting, most of them seem to be written for some super mom, who doesn’t exist.

I have not read one single parenting book out there, I have plenty on my shelf, but most of them have more than 500 pages! If I am completely honest, there are other books which captivate my interest and I will take time to read those – normally ones that tell me how to keep my shit together.

I mean, those parenting books are probably great books, full of sound parenting advice that could change my life on a daily basis, but I’ll never know because I am trying to raise two children and still be sane by the time they leave the house. I devote so much of my waking hours to my kids or my work, and when I read, I want to read for me.

Selflessness
I asked a few of my friends what they learnt since becoming a mother, and one answered: It really taught me how to be selfless. Others answered that even though they really wanted their children and struggled through many years of infertility to have them, that it is the most difficult thing they have ever done – not the birth part, the raising part that is!! As for myself, I have always been selfless, so when my children entered the world I just carried on, I really had to learn to be selfish, otherwise they will just take and take.

Forgiveness
Another thing many and myself included struggle with is the ability to forgive yourself, for instance where you think: Geez that is going to screw my child up for life”, and then feeling so guilty about how I handled certain situations. I must admit that I feel like some days I’m failing as a parent, and some days I feel like crap for missing the mark more than I hit it. If anyone could ever really convey how freaking hard it is to be a parent, I’m not sure we’d do it. There is so much that nobody tells you about being a parent.

Vulnerability & Adaptability
All I know is that your heart will be torn so wide open that it will never be the same. There is this great quote from Elizabeth Stone that says, “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” You have never felt such vulnerability as you will once you have a child loose in the world. Every playground insult by another child will cut you like a dagger. Everything experienced by your kids will feel like your own. Having children makes you a better person whether you like it or not. They drag us into real adulthood because their survival literally depends on us, and just when you think you have something nailed down, they change. They grow. They adapt. The result is that what worked yesterday or for the last six months stops working. So, you are forced to grow and to adapt. That’s what true parenting is all about. Constant growth. Flexibility and constantly questioning yourself.

Love
The most important part is that they love you like you’ve never been loved before. They love you on your good days and on your bad days and all they are asking for is that you love them back.
That, and whatever latest version of the Playstation is out. Haha.

Workers Day
Earlier this week we celebrated Workers Day – I would like to personally thank my amazing team. They work tirelessly every single day, they make sure our treasured clients are well taken care of at all times, they don’t complain when there is something out of their job description that needs to be done and I would like to express my gratitude and appreciation to every single one of my loyal employees.

I hope everyone has a wonderful autumn month, before we enter winter.

Love, Tania