Spring is in the air!

Aah Spring, we welcome you.

Moving closer into the glorious summer months, means that we can shed all the old energies, making space for the new, it’s a new beginning. Although not as noticeable as the weather we, as spiritual beings, need to shed old energies, past behaviours and patterns.

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I have been on a journey of speaking your truth, setting boundaries and living a life of purpose. Some days I sit and wonder if all of this is making a difference, but then I came across the following quote:

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered” – Nelson Mandela.

This quote describes how, although we don’t see our day-to-day progress, it doesn’t mean we aren’t constantly growing.

This month I am taking you on a journey with an issue I think will resonate with many of you, and I will start by asking the following question:

Do you often try to help your friends, family members, or even co-workers or acquaintances fix their problems?

Admittedly, I’ve always had a tendency for taking on and internalising other people’s problems, especially if these problems parallel ones I’ve faced in my own life and even more so since being on this path of spiritual and personal growth.  When you’re experiencing beautiful shifts and miracles, you often want to help others. I get committed to helping a friend “see the light” and feel grateful to be their trusted confidante. Then, not even two days later, I resent them when they fall right back into another toxic situation. And let’s be honest, they usually do.

I used to think I could become the source of support I needed when I was going through my own struggles, the one person I never did find. It’s then that I realised the only way I resurrected myself was by finally stepping up and saving myself, not by having someone else do it for me.

The importance of rock bottom
Lately I’ve been working on not engaging in this pattern anymore. It’s a hard habit to break without understanding what it means to me.

It all came together when someone shared this very insightful video with me where Gabby Bernstein tells you that you are not responsible for another person’s happiness.

She gives tips on when you feel the urge to be the fixer or rescuer to follow 3 steps. One of them was a real “ah ha” moment for me – and that is to recognise that you can’t deprive someone of hitting their bottom. You actually don’t want to either. These are turning points in our lives, opportunities to hit our knees and fully surrender. When you try to fix someone else, you are just getting in the way of their potential to experience the miracle of resurrecting themselves.

It’s precisely this hitting bottom that was responsible for propelling me into my own personal growth and change.

• You start doing the work;
• You deconstruct the excuses you’ve associated to stay afloat;
• You break down the arguments that kept you stagnant;
• You learn to swim;
• You start growing and rebuilding; and
• You dig deep into your wounds, clean out the infection, and let them heal. The antiseptic will sting, and your flesh will take time to heal but I promise it can and it will because wounds only fester and ache when they’re not tended to or treated.

You look at your childhood and unearth the patterns that you blindly followed. You disentangle yourself from your parents, your past and your pain. You do not look back in order to cast blame, but rather so that you can understand why you ended up attracting certain situations and people into your life. You learn about what you want and what works for you and who you really are. This is how you change your story. You surrender to it.

Surrender
Surrender happens when all other options fail. It is a response to having explored every other avenue and admitting that trying to fix or fight the toxic situations and relationships doesn’t work. If you look at the circumstances or people in your life as they are, you’ll soon recognise that there’s a reason you’re always trying to change or fix them, they just don’t fit for you.

Surrender happens from within. It means admitting that you’re tired of your own shit and you’re tired of the excuses for why you’re not choosing situations that honour you.

It’s allowing yourself to admit that you want more for (and from) yourself. And let’s be honest, how can I deprive someone of that miracle by always jumping in to help or fix things for them?

I can’t assume responsibility for the direction that someone else’s life will go, even when I can clearly see that the path they’re carving leads to a dead end.

I can’t assume what’s worked for me will work for anyone else. Just because I have resurrected myself doesn’t mean I am some magic eight ball, ready to spit out the answers to anyone’s questions.

It’s only my responsibility to communicate what doesn’t work for me, and it shouldn’t feel foreign for me to have to tell someone I can’t help them through their problems. Besides, I don’t want to be that friend who is only useful when someone refuses to deal with their life. I can forge better friendships than ones centered around individuals who put all their weight on others in order to stand a little taller.

The following quote appeared on my timeline this week:

“I love when people that have been through hell walk out of the flames carrying buckets of water for those still consumed by the fire.” Stephanie Sparkles.

As a result of all the revelations I’ve expressed above, will I think twice before I put out the flames for someone else. I will rather pray and believe in their ability to rise like the phoenix from the ashes. Returning from the flames, clothed in nothing but strength.

May Spring bring you new strength to face your fears and spark the journey to change your life.

Love, Tania